A Not-So-Typical First Semester: Wp4
Change is hard. Starting college is hard. During this crucial period of self-exploration and growth, I struggled. A lot. I would like to think this is normal for any college freshman.
However, if the world then throws a global pandemic on top of this sundae of chaos, confusion, and self-doubt, a freshman named Charlotte is rendered struggling and bewildered.
When I first registered for classes, I attempted to dispel any pre-existing expectations. However, after hearing horror stories about the notorious “Writ 150” I felt frustrated to know my AP Credits would not wave yet another requirement. Further, I felt vexed, and honestly a little terrified, to think my work would once again be subject to another arbitrary, unappeasable professor who finds comfort in severe criticism.
Fortunately, I was met with quite a different experience. After reflecting upon my growth in WRIT 150, I recognized my personal journey occurred in tandem with a myriad of writing projects.
WP1 captured my confusion. When I moved to Los Angeles and began college, I thought I knew what was going to happen. I thought the tasks in front of me were clear and I could easily achieve my seemingly linear goals. I quickly realized I was way in over my head and when I began to also factor my emotions into the process, I recognized I was a fish out of water. These feelings of frustration and uncertainty directly paralleled WP1. The first assignment frustrated me. I felt faced with yet another confusing prompt and unclear expectations. As I conquered the project, I was happily surprised to understand the amount of creative liberty I was gifted and began to gain self-confidence. WP1 truly catalyzed my curiosity about gender norms. During this project, I first recognized how crucial of a role being a woman has played within my personal development.
WP2 focused my frustration. Terror arrived shortly into my first semester when I got in a fairly bad car accident on the 111. I was fortunate to emerge from the wreck with only a concussion. While I probably should have been more grateful for the semi-minor injury, I was overcome with anger. I was already becoming overwhelmed with schoolwork and I had what seemed to be one of the most daunting tasks in front of me: WP2. Let me be honest for a moment: this project caused multiple breakdowns. Retrospectively, I realize this is when I began to have a small identity crisis when tasked with cataloging my value system. While I acknowledged what is important to me, I never fully worked to understand why or how my core values guide my daily decision making. After completing the project and recovering from my concussion, I was met with a newfound physical, mental, and emotional clarity. My difficulty within this project gave me confidence within my values through understanding their origin.
WP3 strengthened my sense of self. As I grew through the semester to accept failure and find peace in the fact I am working for learning as opposed to grades, my passion for work began to improve. WP3 enabled me to truly explore how gender norms have shaped my sense of self and allowed me to understand why society has an implicit gender bias. Through this project, I recognized that I will not be able to reach my true potential without confidence in my abilities. I also began to place value upon my analytical and critical thinking skills and fully acknowledged that my ideas have value.
WP4 discerned and elucidated my gratitude and humility. As I reflect upon the impact WRIT 150 has left upon my persona, I recognize the amount of self-growth that was catalyzed through writing. Thank you to the members of the 2 pm section for learning my name, connecting with my work, and providing interpersonal relationships I so desperately lack via Zoom. Thank you Professor Dissinger for pushing me to keep working harder every day. Thank you for being supportive and teaching me the importance of cultivating creating work I am personally proud to have my name on. The lessons I have drawn from this section extend beyond my writing. Thank you my past self for being open to change so that I was able to absorb and learn these crucial lessons as I work towards becoming the best version of myself.
For the first few classes of WRIT 150, I did not think I could enjoy this course. Retrospectively, I think this was one of the only times I was able to honestly explore my value system to understand why it exists without feeling the need to doctor a half-correct answer to appease authority. Not only did my writing improve through the semester, but also my confidence and analytical skills ameliorate.
Writ 150 served as an excellent personal case study of self-doubt and growth. To be honest: I had an identity crisis this semester. College hit me hard. Zoom hit me harder. I realized I need to regress A to creative self-expression. Given that I love nearly every form of verbal or written self-expression, I never completely understood why I was so off-put by writing. I believe my disdain stemmed from an overwhelming fear of failure. I lacked confidence in my ability to be a good writer. Therefore, I never put my heart into my work to write anything I was passionate about or proud to create.
I now realize that writing means everything to me. It is not necessarily about the quality of the work, but the ability to produce content and self-express. I learned through WRIT 150 that ideas are inherently personal and cannot be incorrect. I have recognized the strength in forming a personal opinion.
To future learners, I implore you:
Keep asking questions. Keep pushing yourself. Keep working hard. Do what you love.
You will be rewarded.
Perhaps with good grades. Perhaps with knowledge. Perhaps with praise or positive reinforcement.
Definitely with fulfillment. Definitely with gratitude. Definitely with a sense of liberty in creative expression. Definitely with the freedom to be honest and fully yourself.
Believe in yourself. But maintain the humility to grow and change.
I am filled with gratitude for my Tuesday and Thursdays at 2 pm. On the surface, I was able to explore feminism and the role of gender within my life. I was also fortunate to experience some of the interpersonal relationships I dearly miss due to virtual learning. On the most macro scale, my love for creative expression is reinvigorated and I gained a massive amount of self-confidence in my ideas and ability to produce meaningful work.
As Gandhi said, “True education must correspond to the surrounding circumstances or it is not a healthy growth.” My journey in WRIT 150 served to catalyze my meta of personal development. With the crucial lessons of being honest with my passion and confident in my abilities, I have actualized and truly claimed my role as the conductor of my intellectual journey.
